This
asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said,
"Is that Corona or Bud?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find
out."
***********
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She
said, "If you lost
a few pounds, had
a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your
friends over there
instead of
you."
***********
I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to
guess what day a
woman was born just
by feeling her boobs.
"Really"
she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to
lose patience and
said, "Come on,
what day was I born?"
I said,
"Yesterday."
***********
I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool
today.
The lifeguard shouted at
me so loud, I nearly fell in.
**********
I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick
dancing on a table. I
said, "Nice
legs."
The girl giggled and said
with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed
by now. "

