Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor black
orphans. I said, “Fuck that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!”
____________________________________________________
Wife says to husband, “If you start riding that new bicycle I bought
for you to work, we can get rid of the second car.”
He replies, “If you take it up the ass and let me cum on your face, we
can get rid of the nanny!”
____________________________________________________
What’s the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET?
ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn’t claim
benefits, had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!
____________________________________________________
A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
orphans. I said, “Fuck that – knowing my luck, I’d win one!”
____________________________________________________
Wife says to husband, “If you start riding that new bicycle I bought
for you to work, we can get rid of the second car.”
He replies, “If you take it up the ass and let me cum on your face, we
can get rid of the nanny!”
____________________________________________________
What’s the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET?
ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn’t claim
benefits, had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!
____________________________________________________
A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed.
The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife.
A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they
fucked my wife after only five beers!”
____________________________________________________
Got this text from my brother recently.
It read. “Can I stay at your house for a while?
The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.
It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”
______________________________________________________
Was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the
front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back
door!”
Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers
like that every day.
____________________________________________________
Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got
locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my
defense…when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts
kick in.
____________________________________________________
My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going.
”I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus
when you’re coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying
to whistle!”
____________________________________________________
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into
some money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky
or what?
_____________________________________________________
A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they
fucked my wife after only five beers!”
____________________________________________________
Got this text from my brother recently.
It read. “Can I stay at your house for a while?
The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock.
It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!”
______________________________________________________
Was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the
front door open. She said, “It’s my husband! Quick, try the back
door!”
Thinking back, I really should have ran – but you don’t get offers
like that every day.
____________________________________________________
Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got
locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party. In my
defense…when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts
kick in.
____________________________________________________
My wife just came in and said, “I don’t know if I am coming or going.
”I said to her, “Judging by the look on your face, you’re going – ‘cus
when you’re coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying
to whistle!”
____________________________________________________
I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into
some money. Last night I fucked a girl called Penny – is that spooky
or what?
_____________________________________________________
The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip away, do you
think about me?” Apparently “Only to stop myself from coming too
quickly” wasn’t the right answer.
____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________

