Wed Mar 26 2013
Parts of the Berlin Wall have been removed despite a protest led by David Hasselhoff. Yeah, the thick, crumbling structure that didn't last very long in the 1990s said the wall shouldn't be removed.
Conan
I hope they legalize gay marriage because I need to be alive when "Gay Divorce Court" hits the air. That's how I'll be spending my days.
Kimmel
A new survey found that the average American stays at his job for about four-and-a-half years. That is unless they're a late-night host on NBC.
Fallon
Tues Mar 26 2013
It was proposed this week that members of Congress use video conferencing and other remote technology to work from their home states instead of Washington. They figure they can get just as much “not done” at home as they get “not done” in Washington.
Leno
Infectious disease experts are now warning people around the world to stay away from bats. Do you have to tell people that, really? You know which bats are not dangerous? The ones the Chicago Cubs use.
Leno
Happy birthday to retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor. She's 83 years old today. And listen to this: In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court wished her a happy birthday.
Letterman
Mon Mar 25 2013
Fitness pioneer Joe Weider has passed away at the age of 93. In 1969 he got Arnold Schwarzenegger his very first acting job. So, hopefully he will be remembered for the good things he did.
Leno
There's a growing trend of older Americans who are using marijuana in their retirement. That makes sense because old people are always talking about their joints.
Fallon
Fri Mar 22 2013
Doctors in Canada were shocked after pulling a 3-inch knife blade from the back of a 32-year-old man. The knife had been in there for three years. Imagine that, the guy had a knife in his back for three years. He must have worked at NBC too.
Leno
Have you heard about this alleged feud that I'm having with NBC? I think it’s going to be OK. To make it up to me, they are sending my wife and me on an all-expenses-paid Carnival cruise.
Leno
Thurs Mar 21 2013
A new report shows that one in six Americans is now Hispanic. Well, the other five are also Hispanic. They are just not Americans.
Leno
Wed Mar 20 2013
A man in the U.K. is making news for getting his car to run on coffee. That's a good idea. Since gas prices aren't high enough, let's add Starbucks to the equation.
Fallon
Tues Mar 19 2013
The U.S. Senate is now fighting to keep open the Senate barber shop. It loses $350,000 a year. Do you know what that makes it? The most successful government program ever. It’s losing only $350,000 a year.
Leno
Last night on "The Tonight Show," during the monologue Jay Leno called NBC executives "snakes." The response came quickly. "Jay Leno has crossed the line and gone too far," responded the snakes.
Ferguson
To celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, Carnival Cruise had all their toilets overflowing with green water.
Leno
Monday Mar 18 2013
McDonald's announced they are dropping its fruit and walnut salad from the menu. The two people who go to McDonald's for fruit and walnuts are really upset about this.
Leno
Lindsay was late once again for a court appearance by almost an hour. But I blame the judge. Who in his right mind would schedule a Lindsay Lohan court appearance for the morning after St. Patrick's Day?
Leno
Lindsay Lohan was back in court for a probation violation hearing. She was 48 minutes late to court. What she really needs to steal is a watch.
Kimmel
U.S. officials have revealed that America is ready to launch cyber attacks of its own. We have a program that can totally crash someone's computer. It's called "Microsoft Windows."
Fallon
Thurs Mar 14 2013
Taco Bell sold over a million Doritos Locos Tacos a day. Other companies now have taken notice. The new Blackberry is coming out in a tasty Doritos shell.
Conan
Lamar Odom bought his wife Khloe Kardashian a new puppy. He said, "Have fun with this creature, even though it won't do anything but lay around house all day." And the puppy said, "Thanks."
Ferguson

